I have had many incredible personal and business success stories in my life … but each one has been cut short of what it might have been ... of reaching its full potential … always leaving me to lament of what it would have been if I had only gone for it.
Yesterday a deep transparency from my past as a kid exposed itself to me … that of being bullied and accepting it … not standing up for myself as I felt I was not worthy of having it in the first place.
No one ever stood up for me as a kid ... no one ever stroked me … not even for any of my accomplishments … and so I believed that personal success was something for the other guy … but not for me.
Man, how I now see that this belief has continually derailed and sabotaged most of my life journeys, both personal and in business, too many times. Just when I felt I could have it all, I stepped back and watched as it was taken from me … or I just let it go … or was not willing to fight for it … because that’s just how it was for me … never good enough to have it all.
Discovering this transparency has been like pulling teeth because I did not even know what I was looking for. In hindsight sure could have used a personal life coach to have made the discovery easier … but then maybe I was just not ready. I believe this will be a controllable disconnect from this transparency now that I know about it. And to be quite honest … I feel a little pissed off about it … OK, maybe I feel even a lot pissed about it … but for sure am so ready to put this transparency away for good … and now will begin to work on completing this most important life task.
I know deep down that this is a very important discovery for me and feel quite relieved about this long awaited uncovering. Funny how obvious things like this did not show up as a possible problem … as it has been part of my life for so long now … as I almost would expect it to pop its head up just before I reached my destination … all because I believed that’s just how it was … it blended in so well in my life activities. No More! NO MORE!!
Finally I can go for it all, no more lamenting over my hopes and dreams of what might have been … because now I know … I AM worthy of having it all.
by Ronnie Kaufman - Tucson, AZ December 24, 2010
As a child I was expected to rescue and stand up to bullies..to protect family and others. But no one was to stand up for me. And comforting me or praising me for anything was not called for. I was after all flawed: I was too sensitive and tried too hard. ( My mom also blamed her lack of warmth & care and her needs from me on the Holocaust..as she had escaped from Nazi Germany quite young.) And I internalized all this with heaps of self critical thoughts.
All this sort of came to a head when I met my hubby and encountered his family. His family was quite prominent and felt themselves to be far superior. They were…